I spent the day hawking herbs at the "Mind, Body, & Beyond" expo.
Holy mother of all that is New Age.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Shit man, I saw it all...
Ear coning, earth shoes, raw-fooders, hare krishnas, bliss bars, hemp yoga mats, conscious luggage, alchemical deodorant, Ganesha lighters...plus all the usual Sikhs, Geeks, and Freaks.
Not that I'm not one of them, I am...
Goddess knows that I am a card carrying member of Club Strange.
But looking around at this kaleidoscopic far out spectacle that seemed like the brain child of Willy Wonka on LSD made me feel...well...dare I say it?
Hard to say...
Not to be confused with the "Angel Readings & Energy Clearings" booth, which displayed a small sign that read "CASH ONLY". Check it out...
I guess the winged beings of love don't take plastic. Love it.
The weirdest thing I saw was also the grossest and potentially the most dangerous. Imagine a line of people getting their ears coned. For those unschooled in otological waxworks, this is where a candle is stuck in the ear and lit to drain poisons and toxins. Better yet, here's a picture...(I wouldn't want to imagine it either)...
Underneath the blue towels lay people one step away from perfect health. Or immolation. Oh, and notice the funky colon drawings in the background. Wonderful oddities abound! Was it the promise of wax free eustachian tubes or the cute redhead in the skimpy blue flower dress that drew people in? We may never know.
Sounds like something out of a comic book. "Foolish being of the underworld...your anihillation ray is no match for my golden energy belt!"
One of the testimonials is from a guy that is 102 years old and can still please a woman all night long. Hmmm...maybe I should get one. Or two....seems it comes in two colors. The white belt cures heart disease, impotence and menstrual cramps. The black one cures lower back pain, arthritis, and carpal tunnel syndrome. You can only wear one at a time, so if you can't get it up AND you have arthritis...you're SOL.
Best not to ask.
My fifteen dollar aura polaroid showed orange light shooting out of my head in all directions. The woman told me that I was a writer and that a loved one had died recently. Pretty uncanny. Then she said, "you're very sexy!". Too bad she looked to be over 80. I don't do the Harold and Maude thing, though the movie is one of my favorites. Maybe she should give Master Lu a call and he can hook her up with the 102 year old man. Could be a match made in heaven. Or at least Atlantis.
Oh, and I would love to comment on the unicorn-porn-witch kitsch painting at the top of this post, but I think I will save that for you.
Besides, sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.